You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
