He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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