Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
