waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
