i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Terrible idea I love it
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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