there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize