I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
