I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i think i just lost a toe
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
