he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
