I wish I could punch you in the face.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
