Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
