i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
