I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
