Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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