No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
