Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
