one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
