I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
