Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
