I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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