Grow some girl-balls and come out already
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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