The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
