Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
