we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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