im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you win again, gameday.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
