I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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