Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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