I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
