Cold hands, warm shart.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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