I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
