remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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