Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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