Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize