Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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