I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
