she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
