Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
