Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
