So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
