there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
