dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
