Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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