what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
