i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
