accomplished twins. life is a go
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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