I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My liver just had a heart attack.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
