Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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