she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
