naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
