my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
