Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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