I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
