We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
