If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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