Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
