Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
