guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am one with the molecules
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
