Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We left the knife in your bed.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
