My first STD was from a foam party
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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