There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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