I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
