All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
