Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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