Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
