Your tits are I can't wait for
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
