wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
