Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
