Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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