your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
