Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
