Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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