he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
