she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize