I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
