were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
