2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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